I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
