Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Randomize
