I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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