i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
