Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
