Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
