Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
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