I am midnight drunk by noon
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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