if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
