plz talk dirty to me
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Randomize
