so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
