Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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