One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
