So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
