yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
