I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
