I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
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