I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
