I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
