I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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