It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
