My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
