you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
