we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
