he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
