new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
