I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
