You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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