I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
