what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I smell like Dick and happiness
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