The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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