So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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