I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
