Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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