i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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