I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
