no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
