No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
