Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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