So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
