i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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