he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
