Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
i wish my penis had a tongue
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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