Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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