if you like me you must not know who I am
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
