I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
