the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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