Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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