you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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