I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
