I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
